You heard me – it is ok to be a loser. Sometimes we just suck. I actually think life is better when we acknowledge our flaws, realise messed up shit happens in our lives, but constantly growing and evolving as an individual in the process.
Let me dive into this concept a little more. You ready?
Self-awareness and perfectionism
Self-awareness is the process of acknowledging and coming into terms with our own actions, behaviours, feelings and thoughts – coming in terms with the actual truth of ourselves. The reason why I bring this trait up is because it can be quite advantageous to becoming a decent human, but it can often lead us to an unhealthy mental state ( such as perfectionism) making us feel like ball-sucking losers.
Self-awareness (the bad)
When we are self-aware, perfectionism comes into play because we are aware of our faults. When we can’t cope with this, we feel like we can’t achieve something properly, but it still needs to happen properly. Consequently, we become unconfident and develop low self-esteem – both loser traits.
Fear of failure is also a thing. We put life on pause by avoiding the things we need to do. If the thing we are doing isn’t the best it can be, then we think we’ve utterly messed up. Turns out, we can’t actually pause time, we can only pause our actions and our to-do-list (or imaginary to-do-list if you’re sometimes unorganised. lol). Unfortunately, time doesn’t stop moving forward no matter what circumstance. On the flip side, your actions sure do.
In the business world, this is massive and prevents people from taking action – we call it imposter syndrome – feeling like a fraud and doubting your abilities. Mike Cannon-Brookes did an awesome TED talk on his experience with imposter syndrome.
Self-awareness (the good)
Putting a stop to these negative thoughts and feelings isn’t the solution to perfectionism, unconfidence, low self-esteem etc. – it’s simply acknowledging it (I say simple, but it’s not that simple). The point is knowing you’re a loser and understanding you’re always gonna be one puts a lot less pressure on achieving any task. We realise we can’t be perfect, but we can be better. Progress is more important than perfection. Be a progressionist and not a perfectionist. The real meaning for progressionist has a slightly different meaning, but you get the point. lol.
The mindset of a loser
I think there are two different types of losers in life – a sore loser, and a growth loser (These are variations on the growth and fixed mindsets discussed in the book Mindset by Carol Dweck.)
A sore loser is generally defined as when someone gets very upset over a game or competition. We see sore losers everywhere. On the football field or at board game night or any other competitive environment really. People who get called sore losers don’t usually get that much respect because they show a lack of respect when coping with failure. They also make up a bunch of random shit that’s false and like to blame other people for their loss. The worst part is sore losers think they are not doing anything wrong or have no intention to change their mentality. They think they don’t need to change because they are fine the way they are.
Growth losers see their failures as opportunities to learn and achieve more. Unlike sore losers, they are good sports. They are self-aware and aim for progress. They realise it’s impossible to make progress without messing up completely. Living life tackling challenge after challenge is what makes a growth loser happy.
The reality of being a loser
It’s easy to put shit on sore losers, but almost everyone has a sore loser mindset.
Plot Twist – Comparing the two losers isn’t comparing two different people, it’s comparing two different human qualities. Which means, people have both traits of the two losers… That’s right, we are often both. Always aim to be a growth loser, but acknowledge it’s difficult to ‘completely’ eliminate our sore loser side.
Final losing words
Usually it’s ok to be a loser. I find when you start realising you’re an actual loser, you actually stop being one.
Try to engage with your own thoughts, feelings actions and faults as much as you can (self-awareness). Don’t be lazy and take action – it’s the best human form of loserness.
I hope I’m not coming across too much like the “wise guy”. After all, I’m only trying to teach myself something here.
I think I’ve learnt a thing or two from this blog post, I hope you have too.